I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
