Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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