Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
