You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
