It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
