She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
