it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
