that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
