if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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