A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
