Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
