proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
