Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
