this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
