I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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