Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't like sucking hair
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
