I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
