Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
