wakey wakey hands off snakey
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
