how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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