so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
