You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize