Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
