i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
