The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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