So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
