I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
