i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
