If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
