Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
