i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
