Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
