At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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