you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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