oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize