Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
