i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
