I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
