Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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