Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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