I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
