I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
