K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
