just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
