All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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