Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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