the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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