remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
