i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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