The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
