I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
