Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
