I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize