DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
