Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
