just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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