they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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