i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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