This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
