So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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