i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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