I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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