note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
