i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
