I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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