New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
