I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have post one night stand depression
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