I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
