I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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